Well this actually sucks. Chemo takes no prisoners or shall I say chemo takes all prisoners. The last 60 hours have been brutal, I know I am strong and I know I can make it but there were moments where I honestly thought let’s just forget it. We had to cancel our trip to Louisville because I just didn’t have enough energy to make the plane ride.

I don’t know what we would do without family and friends.  We have not had a moment where we needed anything we have had friends come and bring food, gifts, flowers and visits not just for me but for Steve too. The other thing that has amazed me is Millie, she will not leave my side and follows me everywhere and sleeps next to me all day and night. She knows something is wrong and is channeling all her love to eradicate Lucifer!  I have never felt this kind of love in my life. I have a wonderful family who adores me but I have more than that, I have friends that will not let Lucifer get the best of me.

This morning, Sunday, I slept till about 730. Awoke a bit nauseous but took some drugs and then ventured to the shower.  Who would think getting into a shower would take it out of you but I was feeling a little weak and had a BRILLIANT idea!  I pulled my garden stool in there and was able to sit on that and wash my hair and shave my legs! It was kind of a treat and a bit decadent. I seriously think Chemo might be making me smarter- LOL.  But the realization was how we take the little things for granted and this morning they became such a treat and delight.  If only Steve had realized such small things were such a treat, he could have saved a ton of money on my Christmas gifts this year!

Both Steve and I are missing our family this Christmas but Steve will get to spend time with his Mom on Christmas which will be very special to her, and we will extend Christmas a few days longer when Beth and my Mom come back from Louisville on Wednesday. Our Framily all over Charlotte will not let us be alone or lonely – they are all truly amazing, we are truly blessed!  Merry Christmas and all the love and joy to each and everyone of you and yours.

Dec 21st

…and so it began!  The cast of characters included my Chemo teacher Cristina who ran chemo school beautifully and loved our term “chemo school”.  My chemo nurse Annette, along with Lindsay and Tay. As Steve said, first we were infused with knowledge then infused with chemo which is what transpired yesterday and continues for the next 46 hours at home. I had a beautiful warm UGG blanket draped around me all day keeping me warm and feeling loved from my sissies and Mom.

First challenge thus far – I had a reaction to the anti-nausea meds which caused my throat to close up, heart to race fast and then Steve said “ oh wow you are really red” so they gave me benedryl and  tried again and all good!  Then I went through the next chemo treatment for 2 hours pretty uneventful.  Mom and Beth came by to visit and then Steve brought in some lunch from Dean & Deluca.  All was moving along super smooth when I got the last chemo treatment, that one brought back memories, but wait, Chemo and I have never met before!  All of a sudden my speech began to slur and my eyes started to twitch as if I had too many cocktails – seems you can take the cocktails out of the girl’s hand but never out of the girl…I was seriously drunk!  To which Steve said well I guess today was the party and tomorrow is the hangover.  Well let’s hope it is only as bad as a hangover, those I know I can handle.

After all was complete we gathered my belonging along with my side kick Chemo pump, which we now call Antiope, and headed home.  Aunt Antiope taught Wonder Woman everything she needed to know, so I am assuming she will kick some Lucifer arse.  My body felt like it was in an accident but my mind was clear.  Enjoyed dinner from Jennifer and lots of love from my Mom and of course Steve – my rock during all this although he might think it feels more like a butler.

I had a bit of a thick tongue and felt a bit drunk this morning but that has subsided.  My sweet BIL Bill stopped over this morning while in town for a lunch meeting and that was such a treat, good thing my buzz subsided, not that it mattered cause he has seen the buzzed Missy on a few occasions. I got a few thing accomplished, probably over did it but I am trying to figure out what I can handle.  I know that I can handle whatever it takes to eradicate Lucifer so I continue to push the boundaries while giving myself GRACE and being KIND and GENTLE to myself.

With Millie and Antiope at my side I will face the day with courage and humility.  Each day is an adventure and a treasure.

 

 

Dec 19th

Wow this whole situation is so humbling. I have never felt so loved, cared for, nor have I ever had so much attention. Everyone and I mean everyone has gone the extra mile to make me feel loved and cherished!  What many of you don’t know is that I am an introvert playing an extrovert – ok so many of you are shaking your head now and saying right Missy get real. But seriously I work hard at being an extrovert and engaging with people and each of you has made it so much easier for me.

On Sunday when my friend Wyn came by with soup we had a good visit and I went outside with her to show her our new flaming light bulbs…well that ended up a bigger event then intended as I missed the bottom step and bit the dust. Seriously I fell down the stairs – good news nothing broken which is kind of amazing, but I showed Wyn the true klutz that I am – I laughed and after Wyn realized I was ok she laughed too. We knew it would make the blog.  Yes you heard that right…I fell down the flipping stairs.

Yesterday was a little tough – Many people have said you will go through a variety of emotions as you travel this curvy road. Yesterday was a day where I said “ok the novelty of this has worn off” and I got sad, confused and a wanted tons of answers. As I walked out of the CT scan with Steve I told him how I felt and all he had to do was take my hand and give it a squeeze and tell me it is ok to be bummed out but you can’t stay there. He held me and loved me like no other and pouf I was back to my fierce self.

Last night at dinner with my girls, Cathy, Astrid, Karen and Michelle we laughed and inspired each other and we walked out with our new purple braclets that say “Missy’s Mob”. “Be the Beast” – for years Cathy has referred to me as a beast cause of the training in so in my bike to find a cure for T1D. I plan to let that inner beast shine. So next time you see me just let me know if you want one we are wearing them till this journey ends. Thank you sweet Cathy for doing this for us!

Today we will shop for the wig, go to chemo school and spend time with my Mom. Tomorrow will be the first round of chemo and we will post an update Thursday. Remember as my grandmother used to say “no news is good news” so if you don’t hear anything don’t worry!

Please keep the prayers and protein coming!  You are all the engine that will keep this train on the right track.

December 16th

This first blog post is one of many where I will share the reasons why I started the blog, how we are doing and what we are doing as we enter a brand new chapter in our lives.

On October 7th I completed my 5th 100 mile bike ride for JDRF. On this particular ride the heat index was 108 and many riders were stopping at 75 miles. Oh but of course not me. I had to go for the 100 – for no other reason then for my niece Alex who doesnt stop her management of Type One Diabetes because she just doesn’t want to do it anymore. In her case and so many others living with this disease stopping the management or care of their T1D will kill them.

Right after my ride I started feeling rather punky, I got a cold, fatigue, indigestion and stomach pains, throw in some back pain and bam they find a malignant tumor, who we have named “Lucifer” in my pancreas – kind of ironic don’t you think since I spend my time, talent and treasures in keeping the pancreas heathy and finding a cure for T1D.

So the journey begins to beat my stage 1 Pancreatic Cancer – which I know will be cured and that when this is over something very special is going to come of this. The good news is that the tumor has not metastisized nor impacted any lymph nodes.  So Tuesday the 12th I met with my surgeon, Dr Baker at CMC who is a pancreatic specialist but who I worked with earlier this year to remove my gallbladder. What are the odds that I would have to go back to her EVER – seems someone was watching over me back in February.  Next I met with my nurse navigator, nurse and dietitian who worked hard to identify the best oncologist for me and they were spot on.  Dr Reza at CMC is awesome – might be why he was named physician of the quarter which we saw walking into the Levine Cancer Institute, just another sign we were in the right hands.  After meeting with the Dr on Friday the 15th we reviewed all the options and we have opted for Neoadjuvant approach which is chemo, surgery, the wipple, and then more chemo. The chemo will be a 4 medicine cocktail 2x a month followed by 46 hours of chemo administered through a chemo pump.  They said the chemo pump comes with it own “cute” bag…ah I am guessing that I will have to find my own bag for this Pump or design one myself – more to come in a later post.

Later that same day we were scheduled for a dianostic laparoscopy to ensure the cancer hadn’t spread into my stomach and the insertion of my port.  We got some great news after those procedures and my stomach is cancer free!  So the port is in and I have a CT scan of my lungs on Monday, Chemo school, my name for it, on Tuesday and my first round of chemo on Wednesday morning.  I was very relieved to know that Chemo doesn’t take a long holiday break!  I go back to meet with Dr Reza on Tuesday the 26th to see how I am tolerating the chemo so if you see me with a stylin head scarf or a different hair style you will know I have lost my hair, but that is ok as long as they are killing off Lucifer.

Lots happening and we are moving forward with positive intentions.  Lucifer will not control me and will be eradicated from my body!  The most ironic part of this is that the JDRF Ride to Cure in Amelia Island, FL might have saved my life.  Just another reason to keep trudging through to find a cure for T1D.  I have a tribe of warriors surrounding me and without you and your prayers I wouldn’t be able to beat this.  Thanks to each and everyone of you!   Special thanks for the amazing food delivery from Kim, Jennifer, Beth and Wyn.  My doctor wants meat on my body so I thank you all for helping to get there.  I will update this blog continuously and will have other guest writers if they wish to participate.  Watch out Lucifer this is the chick with the fierce pants on all the time – you will not be around long.