“No Fierce Pants Boss Pants”

At the beach and my mom just said this to me – guess I am feeling better today! Nice big breakfast and took Millie for a walk!!! Oh what a little beach air will do for you!

Unfortunately this did not last and I have spent the majority of this week down and feeling completely beaten by this disease. I wanted to do a few things but I haven’t had any energy to do very much at all. I promised to be honest in this blog and this is one of those times that cancer is getting the best of me and it is making me sad. I am and everyone is working together to manhandle me to wellness but we have learned this isn’t like a common cold or flu – damn it!

I tend to sleep more then I want to but when you sleep you body heals and then you also get the chance to wake up feeling better than when you went to sleep – that is always my hope and some days are better than others. This disease can have you feeling good one hour and terrible the next. It commandeers your body and I work very hard to not let it commandeer my soul – cause that is how we are going to get through the tough times.

I continue to be reminded of this quote and live it daily – some days way better than others and some days I whisper it and some days I shout it at the roof tops for all to hear.

On our way home from Mom’s wishing it had been a bit less about cancer and more about sunburns. Unfortunately this was a rough one – but the prayers, thoughts, rosary, texts, emails have been our saving grace. Keep them coming we need to get over this hurdle. God is good and I know he has me in his hand and is guiding me.

Conquering the World

June 29th

Today was chemo day and I woke up feeling like I could conquer the world. Then I got tired and laid down for a little bit – LOL. Lots happened today – got my interim hair cut, I think I look like a bad ass – but a little bit of a pixie too!

I may not have shared that we are doing a dining room kitchen renovation…I know you are all shaking your heads saying has she lost her mind completely! Well the beauty is that my wonderful sissy has let me and Millie move in with her for the time being – this way she can watch over me as she isn’t traveling right now and she makes sure I am eating and resting and exercising. Basically she can boss me around – she likes that and it is comforting to be here and not living in complete chaos.

On the other hand Steve is living in chaos but seems to be faring ok and he comes by everyday for a visit – but he is keeping his eye on the renovation and they have all decided that I will see no more pictures till this is all done…I just write the checks hmmm.

The last 10 days have been filled with lots of family – my mom was here and then my sister Suzy and niece Annie from Louisville. Steve and I are going to head to the beach for 4th of July week and let the kitchen renovation continue on a 24/7 schedule cause I told my contractor that if my cancer was going to be aggressive I needed him to be aggressive to and get her done!

I know we all wanted my last post to be fake news and the hope that my blog was taken over by the Russians (BB I borrowed your material) and well…shit not so much. But we are fighting and will head to Scottsdale for a second opinion in/around early August as well as talk clinical trials. Everything is in the works for that right now! Next set of scans will be around the end of July so we will know if this chemo is working by then!

BTW if I haven’t said it before let me say it now, I have always been impressed by those fighting T1D and the constant managing of that disease. I am now more impressed cause I was given a new prescription that required me to give myself injections 3xs a day for the last 10 days and there is nothing fun about that – I repeat nothing. You T1D warriors are impressive and truly bad to the bone.

Thank you for all the wonderful notes, calls, text and emails you all know how to make a girl feel so loved! My warriors are the best a girl could ask for – I am so blessed!

Not Good

June 19th

Unfortunately I don’t have good news and the the cancer has spread rather aggressively to my liver and unfortunately we are looking at stage 4.

Our plan for the next few weeks is to shrink the tumors and hope for remission and to rescan in 6 weeks. Chemo started last week and we will add another drug into the cocktail on Friday. We are not looking at a cure any longer but a way to live with this beast!

I will loss my hair and be very tired and everything else. But with all of you beside us we will get through this! We will not let this take us down – something big is going to come from this I have always said this! Thank you warriors and keep those prayers coming.

Next Phase

June 4th

Next round of chemo is scheduled to begin June 11th. The schedule will be once every week for 3 weeks and then a week off. At that point around the week of July 9th we will decide if I continue on the chemo or do the 5 1/2 weeks of daily radiation.

As Steve said, “who ever thought we would be excited to start chemo” we are cause that means I am getting stronger and they think I can tolerate it. One thing I am adding in to this is getting fluids two times a week. I know this will make me feel better and give me energy!

My oncologist said the side effects of this chemo will be minimal but I could have some fatigue about day 3 for about 24 hours. Life is a funny thing cause he then told us this chemo on a scale of 1-10 is a 3 compared to the last chemo which came in at a 9.5 out of 10!

The last 10 days have had me back on the bike for 1.25 miles, took an hour yoga class, walked almost a 1/2 mile (.46) and able to read unlimited pages in one sitting, lunch date on three days, tea one day, flew to Louisville for my niece Annie’s graduation where we went out to dinner (first time since Surgery), attended 3 parties and help throw one, visited with two college friends and spent time with family – woot woot! I see the real Missy rearing her head.

A shout out to my sister Beth who has put up with my mood swings and being bossy – it is the cancers fault. I think I just played the cancer card – 😘. I know pay backs are hell.

Last but not least – our kitchen renovation has begun – thus might be the best decision we made to do thus so I could over see it or the worst decision but more to come as we progress.

Around the Corner

May 26th

With crossed fingers I think I can say we have turned the corner! After feeling like I was walking through each day for the last seven weeks with the worlds biggest hangover, I am finally feeling the Missy raising its head! I have never been so happy to see her! Each day I am feeling a little bit stronger and my brain fog has lifted allowing me to be more engaging.

Each day I try to accomplish two tasks such as reading, gardening, jewelry design, out to lunch with friends, shopping…the things that make life so enjoyable. Not to mention laundry and house straightening (not very good at this one) as I am feeling up for it I am trying to take a load off of Steve.

Speaking of Steve, I couldn’t do this without him – he has been my rock, my conscience, my cheerleader and my coach. Everyday I think how lucky I am but I also find myself sad that he is having to take on this burden as well. I know it is tough to watch a loved one suffer especially in the ninth year of marriage – by the time this is all said and done we will spend all of our ninth year of marriage battling this beast! But with all that said I would never want anyone else by my side and fighting as hard for me as I am for myself! You are my saving grace and I love you forever and always.

This week brought me another hair cut and I absolutely love it – Claire you may forget to sign your cards but you nailed the new hair cut!A little edgy don’t you think!

The victory garden is doing amazing and tonight’s dinner of calzone’s contain basil, kale and green pepper from the garden!

So some humor – I went to see a palliative care doctor last week and she wanted to do a pancreas digestive enzyme sufficiency test! Well yes that meant I would need to provide them a sample of my poop – well needless to say after weeks of pooping regularly each day, this day I could not poop on demand… seriously I had to take it home and try there! Once I was successful I needed to bring it back. They told me I could drop at any lab – so I went to the one I knew and they had closed the facility, the next one I went to the same thing, finally I found one after driving my poop around for two hours – then they asked me if I had frozen it…what no one told me to freeze it and I told the guy in no uncertain terms that this poop was going to have to do cause I wasn’t taking it for another ride!

So all in all things are looking up as I continue to look up and remember that no one told you this was going to be a cake walk – but never did I imagine the journey that has gotten me to this point! We will find out about our next chemo and radiation most likely next week when we see the oncologist so fingers crossed my weight maintains or goes up! I know – you never thought you would hear that come out of my mouth! Thanks for your continuous prayers and support, they are what keeps me going! I am so blessed to have my tribe of warriors on my side!

Faith

May 8th

During this journey no matter how independent you might be there is no way you can handle this on your own – trust me I have tried. You also are not in control – again I have tried and continue to try and take control. It takes a village and a whole lot of faith to get through this journey.

Going into my surgery I was sure I would be up and moving and back to work by mid May…why not I always hit my goals and I do whatever it takes to get there. Unfortunately I can’t use the same tactics to get to this goal as everything else in my life, cause I am not in control of this outcome and if I would just let God do what he needs to do it might be a little easier! As someone said recently, you are so used to manhandling whatever you have to in order to reach the goal – this time you actually have to sit back and hand it over to someone else, that being God, and let him do his miraculous work as he has your best interest at heart!

Going into this journey I had very strong faith, and I will not lie, there have been times where I have questioned that faith and just wanted to throw in the towel – a lot of good that did for me, it just bummed me out and left me down in the dumps. So I have begun to just do what I can and not expect miraculous results every minute of everyday – patience is a trait that God will make you realize is a gift if you open your arms and accept it!

So with God on my side I feel like I just might see the other side of this journey, unfortunately it may not be within my timeframe but it will be the right timeframe!

More of the Same

May 1st

One thing I have not really talked about is insurance and the leave of absence from work side of this journey. In addition being your own advocate to ensure you get what you need WHEN you need it.

The advocate piece of this is exhausting – on top of already being exhausted from the disease and the treatment. My surgeons office scheduled me for an ultrasound and drainage and when I confirmed with the radiology department they didn’t have the drainage scheduled. So they rescheduled for two weeks later…what the F&$#. My pain was then not two weeks from then. My Dr office said they were working on it, but after 3 days and no return call, I tapped into my network and was able to get in for both within 24 hours! Hmmm why should I have to do this when I am supposed to be keeping my stress level very low! I know how busy the Dr’s office is so I am happy to help but it is not easy and doesn’t help with the recovery. Now we have done that and I can move on to the next.

Disability insurance company originally approved me for eight weeks of leave, even after my Dr requested four MONTHS. I challenged them at the time and they said that is how it works and they extend as needed! So they called me last week to see how it was going and if I was ready to go back to work…ah NO! They indicated they would need to contact the Dr and I was like why she already said 4 month recovery time…after a little back and forth I calmly said that I felt they may not fully understand the type of procedure I underwent. I explained that my digestive system was virtually removed, rerouted and put back in. In addition electrical shocks were given to the area and that over the last 2 weeks was kicking in to kill off the cancer tentacles. He said that he was going to talk to the nurses and get back to me…1 hour later he called very apologetic and said that he did not understand the severity of the issue – um what…”pancreatic cancer” what part of this diagnosis is not severe. He said he was so sorry and hoped he did not cause me any added stress, hmm well ok, too late now, but that I was approved till the end of July for leave! Ugh so much work that the patient should not have to deal with – BUT I did finally call the Bank’s leave group and they are fully engaged now and will take it from here – my bad for not realizing that they were there to help ME – I didn’t think my situation was grave enough for this benefit…shame on me!

So the last thing I have to worry about now is my leave and my work – I anticipate a return to work earlier than end of July but my wonderful manager has said – you are in the fight of your life and we will be here when you are ready for the return!

Two doctors appointments today and they are still pleased with my recovery but we’re very clear with me that I need not beat myself up with the slow pace. They think my recovery struggles are mechanical and not cancer related and that my digestive track is slow to get up and go…patients grasshopper patience!

I have not seen very many people due to my lack of energy and the fact that visitors take so much out of me – but I know you are all there and willing and praying me back to my old self! I don’t know what I would do with you this tribe of warriors – I hope the next post is full of better news!

InstaPot, Firsts and New Do!

April 18th

The hottest kitchen appliance the “InstaPot”. It is a pressure cooker, slow cooker and rice cooker all in one! Sounds wonderful that is why we got one! Especially since my attention span is so short and my energy to stand for long periods of time is limited, so throw it all into a pot at 6 and dinner is ready by 630 or 7 – sounds perfect!

I am a pretty good cook, so this can’t be too difficult… “Mushroom and Wild Rice Soup” should be a snap! Snap it was – it took 10 minutes to load the pot and turn it on and 45 minutes later I added in the roux and DONE! I was so excited cause it smelled so good, I could not wait for dinner. Time for dinner…Ugh it was AWFUL, yes that is right awful! Not edible-but why, well first chemo/cancer brain caused me to leave out one major ingredient, the onions, then I realized I left out some salt…maybe that was it but I am not sure since I added salt and more spices cause it was so bland…still really bad. The worst part was I ate it for dinner – what was I thinking that it miraculously would get better, NOPE, not so much. I finally threw out my dinner and the remainder of the soup. The ONE thing I will say is that the texture was spot on so next up – roast chicken.

I have had a few first in the last few weeks, cooked dinner, read a short book (26 pages with a sentence on each page) and worked on some jewelry design! Two doctors appointments this week, surgeon yesterday Tuesday and oncologist today Wednesday!

I am on track or ahead of the game even with the crappy 10 days! I am feeling stronger and that maybe because my liver enzyme levels are coming down and are not at the level of someone who spent the last month on a bender in Cancun. They want me to maintain or gain weight and the plan for the next two weeks is just that, rest and exercise as I can. I am cleared to drive, bike and do whatever I feel up to!

So as I mentioned I was losing my hair pretty rapidly so I decided to cut it short and cut my loses – so no more lose of hair and a sassy new do!

I am feeling better each day and hope to be up on my bike in the next week or so and anticipate driving in the next day or so! My warriors have been amazingly helpful and supportive while I was doing my best to be upbeat! More to come in the next week as I work on my tan and rest!

This Sucks

April 14th

Sorry for the delay guys but the last week or so has sucked. I have felt as bad as when I was going through chemo – and honestly didn’t want to share or complain. But I promised to be honesty here and well this is one of those moments that I hate to have to share!

I finally got in to some doctors this week and they said this is not unusual to feel this way, nauseous and diarrhea constantly – no appetite and quite frankly and all over yuck feeling, when someone has an IRE procedure. I dunno, kind of would of liked to have been prepared for that! Don’t even get me started on how many times they tell me oh that is to be expected but have not told me to be prepared for it – ANNOYING. They also did blood work and found my liver enzymes to be very elevated which isn’t helping the all over yuckie feeling. They are not sure why but getting me off my Creon may be helpful.

I think the worst part of this is that I go to bed and sleep 6 hours and then I wake up and while I lay there I can tell I am feeling so much better. I fall back to sleep all pumped up to wake in another 4 hours ready to conquer the world and bam – the cancer devil is rolling on the floor laughing and pointing saying I got you haha! Well cancer devil and Lucifer’s soul you cannot break my spirit – although there were moments that I actually thought they would. I have too much to do to let them do that.

I promise to post soon with some positive and fun adventures, those that are better then laying in bed and getting up to go to the bathroom and laying back in bed – BORING!

Oh and by the way…I am having my hair cut on the 17th…might have a new do to share – as my hair continues to get thinner and thinner daily.

Victory Garden & Family

April 2nd

What an awesome weekend with family! Working on, planting and germinating plants for the Victory Garden! Awesome time just hanging and laughing with each other! So blessed to be surrounded by this kind of love!

All I have to say is life is good and full of love and joy! Will and Alex headed back to work and school yesterday and Mom is heading home today. Beth is in town this week which will be helpful and I will lean on her as needed. Today marks two weeks home from the hospital and Wednesday is three weeks post surgery and I believe we have turned the corner…WE who is we LOL – me and Millie since she is always at my hip!

I have gotten stronger each day and can do most anything on my own…well maybe I am not supposed to but I can. I still need to walk with a buddy just in case – we all know what a klutz I am so having a buddy close will keep me safe! I still get tired very quickly and do need to rest on a very regular basis but I promise I am getting better every day! Next doctors appointments will be April 13th and 17th and hopefully I will be cleared for getting on my bike! We will also learn the chemo & radiation schedule which is the FINAL phase of this ordeal!

So finally let’s talk about being out of work. Wednesday marks three weeks and so far I am not climbing the walls and I completely see the benefit of leave, I don’t need to worry about anything except getting stronger and resting whenever I have too. I do miss my work family a ton but know there is plenty of time to connect when I return! I wish I could tell you I have read a bunch of books or finished a needle point project, but not so much. I have only just recently been able to finish a full magazine article and that was just People Mag! Maybe this week we will take a stab at a book! This also means I have not had the brain power to design and make any jewelry, but that too is on this week’s list!

Many thanks to those who sent seeds and plants for the Victory Garden – it is going to be fabulous! Bunches of hugs to all those who have continued to send cards, treats, and flowers – they make me smile constantly throughout each day! I am blessed beyond measure! More to come later this week, I am sure there will be some kind of funny to report out on.

Wow

March 28th

How do I follow a post like Steve’s…I do it by putting my arms around the man that I am so fortunate to have had enter my life on June 27, 2004. A man who has loved me, stood by me and well let’s be honest, put up with me for the last 13 years! A man who has embraced not only me but my family…my sissies and my Mom with a bond so tight that few men can understand and he loves each and everyone of them with all his heart.

What a fun group of women that cared for me last week when I got home. This also represents a 51 year of friendship with my dear friend Tish, whose bonds have been strengthened through the years by the support and the love we have for each other. That is why we are “my stand by me friend” we are always there for each other and our families!

We had a very busy weekend with “Missy’s Victory Garden” being designed and built and ready to begin planting on Good Friday, with many seeds and plants received over the last week by my wonderful friends and family! Mom and Beth were here to help and cook meals and do laundry while I rested. I had a few visitors this weekend which was awesome and made me feel human. On Sunday I walked a full 1/2 mile and on Monday a trip to the surgeon to have my staples removed was a huge success – I even drove to the appointment…they were not too happy about that but oh well! I hope they realize who they are dealing with here – I know I will push myself but I also know I have to remember I am still healing. And if I didn’t remember Tuesday reminded me of that as I was completely wiped out all day.

We saw the oncologist and got the pathology report – great news! The 20 lymph nodes removed during surgery showed NO cancer, the tumor proved to be stage 1 and the depth of the tumor into the tissue was a t2 which is basically on the surface – huge news. There are positive margins due to the tentacles but that was to be expected – they feel the IRE to kill these was perfect and it will take weeks for the cancer to die off and we will know more at the next scan! The next phase will be six months of chemo and radiation and the treatment will not be anything like the previous – thank you God! We are not sure yet what it will be but he assured me I will be riding the JDRF Ride to Cure in Sept and running my half marathon in Kiawah in December.

So life continues to challenge us – after surgery I noticed my hair was falling out – so I can tell you this I was COMPLETELY freaked out, I love my hair, but they have assured me that is normal with the stress of this invasive surgery and it also happens when you give birth…yet again another reference to birthing a child name Lucifer. With Lucifer gone I do know that he is still out there reminding me he was around and I will continue to fight this fight till he is in the ground and the scans show No Evidence of Disease (NED) – see you are learning medical terms too!

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, sent flowers, cards and prayers – my house looks beautiful and I love all the love that I am reminded that surrounds me in this battle. I am such a lucky lucky girl and I can’t wait to blog again this weekend when my niece Alex and nephew Will come to spend Easter with us and Mom too – how loved are we that they want to come be with the old aunts, uncles and grandmothers for Easter – I can’t wait to be with them.

Home Sweet Home

March 21st

I am home! I can’t thank Beth enough for keeping the blog posts up to date while I was in the hospital eradicating Lucifer! You did an awesome job sissy.

I arrived home Monday night after five nights in the hospital, two days before they would have thought I would be released – but I had my fierce pants on going in on Wednesday and they did not fail me! My stay at CMC Main was nothing I wish to do ever again, but if I had to I would want this group of nurses taking care of me around the clock!

They were terrific and watched over me while I was under their care! They made me laugh and kept my spirits high for six days! We chatted in the middle of the night about how to be good to ourselves cause no one else was going to be that good to us – deep for 3:00 AM!

We laughed at the tiny house style toilet in my room. I got lucky and was in an oversized room during my stay, but unlucky when it came to needing a shower, since somehow that detail was over looked when designing that room. But trust me I used my powers of persuasion and my negotiating skills to get a long hot shower by the weekend! Oh my was that a treat – that along with my Luigi’s Lemon Italian Ice which one nurse was hoarding for me from other patients trays – I was living large. My advice to anyone booking a hospital stay, use all your super powers to get what you need to make your visit more comfortable.

One thing I experienced during my stay was having my blood sugars checked every six hours. So I was able to live a small moment of a T1D’s life and feel a tiny bit of what they feel – wow was my experience a lucky one as my blood sugars remained in the 98-140 range the whole time, I know how lucky I am! The funny thing about this was that I noticed that I was having trouble opening up my iPhone using my touch control and finally realized that the finger pricks were altering my fingerprint – ugh just another annoyance of living with Type one diabetes.

So with all my bags in hand and my wonderful memories of Unit 9B at CMC Main, I was so happy to arrive home to my own shower and 9 hours of sleep. My home care team of Steve and my sister Suzy picked up where the nurses on 9B left off. Then on Tuesday the surprise arrival from my “Stand By Me Friend” of over 50 years Tish, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be home and being watched over by those who so love me! Mom arrives today and Beth gets home on Friday, I expect my new normal to begin to take shape this weekend. There will not be any cycling for a bit but some walking shall commence once the rain stops. Love to my mob of warriors for your prayer power to get me to this point. We have eradicated Lucifer now let’s keep him away.

PS During my first shower at home on Monday night – I used my brilliant idea from my days of chemo and put the garden stool in the shower. Well this time not so brilliant as the soap made it very slippery and I found myself slipping off and onto the shower floor – I didn’t break anything but was sure I popped a staple but fortunately not…ugh the klutz in me shines bright for all to see!

Lucifer Be Gone

March 12th

So we have a birth plan…I continue to have chemo brain – yep just like pregnancy brain I am told, I am getting my bag(s) packed, just like an overnight bag for delivery day, I am told I will have a very extended belly after surgery, just like you are pregnant and my leave of absence from work is just like maternity leave. Well I have never been pregnant and never given birth but Wednesday I will be giving birth in my own way. This is one of those moments that you say be careful what you wish for! Thank you Rebecca for help crafting this birth plan!

I am ready to send Lucifer on his merry way and destroy his ability to hurt me any longer. With Lucifer gone I can start my recovery and begin thinking about other things like training and fundraising for my JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes in September in Saratoga Springs, NY – http://www2.jdrf.org/goto/kickbetesforalex. I will join my JDRF family and friends in finding a cure for Type One diabetes and making life for my sweet Alex and so many others a better one!So you want to know what we did this weekend to make it a great one – well a great surprise Friday night to spend a wonderful evening with the Lazarony and Kempisty girls filled with lots of laughs and ways to conquer the world. Dawn, Brook, Cari and Matka – the evening was perfect!Saturday arrived with an early morning delivery from my sweet and kind friend Sakira – as she was completely her first half marathon, these beauties arrived – so lovely and such a treat to look at them over the next few days. Later on in the day my sweet sissy spoiled me with a facial and some relaxation. Well…the person who was doing my facial was…ready for it…DRUNK! Yep you heard me – completely traumatic between the bumping into the table every time she got up and dropping of the bottles, the constant chewing gum over my face and oh yes the large glass of wine she brought in for herself – hard to hide that! Oh and the deep tissue face massage was so brutal I had to come home and put ice on my face so it would not bruise – unreal but we did not let it dampen our wonderful time together.

Sunday was perfect starting with church, then a little trip to my new favorite grocery store Lidl, a visit and trip to Amelie’s for some sweets with Jennifer, Doug and Duncan, followed by dinner with my posse of gal pals. These woman have been such great supporters and gave me a wonderful book of well wishes from my mob of warriors near and far – this was such a treat and so thoughtful! Here is the video of me opening and looking through the first few pages – such an amazing surprise and I will be sure to have it close to me in the hospital

What a wonderful loving life I have and wonderful friends and family that keep me grounded and inspired daily. Lucifer get ready to be gone and eradicated from my body. You are no longer welcome here – but I will say you have taught me so many things, such as how loved I am and that I can handle whatever I am dealt and I am not going to back down and let you win, I know God has my back and will guide me through this and give me the grace to keep marching forward and I will prevail. Missy’s mob is the strongest, kindest, most genuine group of friends and warriors out there. While I am in the hospital, my sister Beth will be taking over the blog and she will update you as we move through this next phase. I will pick up as I am able, but know I have you all in my heart. We will win this battle – I promise!

Be a Warrior not a Worrier

March 8th

Today’s post will be a little different and I will update the blog throughout the day as today is pre-op and surgery school day. Along with two other events we are sure to have some funny and very real moments. It would be so easy to spend my day in a dark place and worry about everything but with my team of warriors all around me I intend on making you all proud and spending today with a positive attitude. With my battle face on, I am ready to take the first steps of phase two of my treatment to slay and eradicate Lucifer.

Before I get started on today let me tell you that I had another great day at the office yesterday. Seeing everyone and putting my cancer on the shelf for 6 hours made me feel like cancer didn’t exist. I yet again experienced such love from my work family and am so lucky to be part of a company who supports me and what I am going through and experiencing at this time. WOW I am a lucky girl.

Stay tuned there is more to come….

All my inspiration on one wrist. Oh and yet again I forgot my Lidocaine cream to numb my port – at least this time I didn’t get confused and put on the cortisone cream. I will just grin and bear the initial needling into my port – piece of cake – that is coconut cake!

So no need to access my port – picked up disk of scans for file – even my cancer has a resume! EKG done and great, blood pressure and heart rate spot on. Anesthesiology meeting check and all set for 5:00 AM Wednesday morning. Getting ready for blood draw and then off to lunch and then surgery school.

I am not going to be all peaches and cream here – I have been in a foul mood since 10:30! None of this has been any fun and none of our appointments today were on time and the lack of urgency has sent me to the moon! I seriously have hated this day!

We just signed our Wills which again isn’t all that pleasant and now I remember why we have dragged our feet on this – it isn’t fun to think about these things.

Clearly I have to change my pants and put my warrior pants on cause I am being a worrier and a full on stress ball.

Now we are at a caregivers support group where my doctor – Dr Reza, spoke on attitude and hope! Hope drives everything, it might not cure cancer but it will change lives! Next is Chef Chuck who is going to take about and cook with use to nourish the soul. What a great cooking class – learned how to make scrambled or fried eggs in the oven and then store them for 5 days in the fridge for an easy peasy quick breakfast! Another item that is a must have – get rid of that crock pot and buy an insta pot that takes it’s place, as well as a rice cooker and pressure cooker – already ordered and will arrive at our house on Saturday. Also learned that if you get a burn put yellow mustard on it and it will stop hurting and will not blister. Also, put pepper on a cut and it will stop bleeding! A great seasoning I learned is a mixture of salt, pepper, garlic powder and a touch of ginger powder.

So as the evening was drawing to a close Chef looked at us and said to Steve, are you Tarzan and she is Jane….well let’s just say Steve smiled and said welcome to my world – or such a fun way to end a very very long day and one that was necessary but one I do not want to do over ever again. I end this blog with a “Warrior” mug in my hand and ready to face another day! Thank you to all my Warriors for holding my hand as I walk through this journey – I could not do this without you and without the hope for a great life, free of Lucifer.

A Day in the Office and Prep for Surgery!

March 1st

Yesterday was awesome! I got up and got all ready and went into the office where I spent ALL day and got to see my wonderful work family who made me feel so special!My old team got together for lunch which was so fun to get the band all together, Aashima, Sakira, Latoya, Karine, Tom and Danielle. Conversation was lively and collaborative just like old times! It was a great day and I feel super human! The hugs were amazing the genuine interest and concern for my well being was so wonderful!But I have to say the funniest part of the day was when my biggest blog fan told me, in no uncertain terms that she felt I waited too long to post my last post and she was getting a bit anxious about that! Danielle I promise I will post more often from this point forward and will continue to bring you not only humor but also the brutal truth of how I am feeling.

So to be totally honest the delay was due in large part to really feeling both emotionally and physically shitty and I just wanted to crawl in my hole and make the world go away. BTW that doesn’t work AT ALL!

So now we prepare for surgery on March 14th. I have a to do list which keeps getting longer and longer and coordinating the outpouring of love and desire to help during this time. This surgery, the Whipple procedure, will keep me in the hospital for up to 10 days – I am counting on my strong healing powers to kick into high gear and that I will be out in 7 days but I know I need to prepare for more.

So this is what I know – I will feel rather crummy and will be out of it for days. I will probably have a feeding tube for the first 3-4 days. I will probably not remember much of those days which may not be so bad! I plan to do whatever I am told and will not fight taking the pain killers as I know they will help me rest which is how the body heals! I will be at CMC Main in Charlotte, my surgeon is Erin Baker for the Whipple procedure, and her partner David Iannitti for the IRE procedure, who BTW has done the 2nd most of this procedure in the world! I know I am in good hands with some of the best in the country!

I know people will want to be kept up to date and visit if they can, which makes me feel more then loved I am humbled as well. To coordinate this Astrid Martin will be on point for sharing visit updates and letting folks know when visits can happen. To reach Astrid you can text at 704-562-7198 or email her at tid817@gmail.com. You can also reach out to Steve at 704-650-0152.

We will come through this with flying colors and be on the other side of this nightmare soon! With Missy’s mob of warriors and my amazing healthcare team, Lucifer and his little friends are going down!

Surgery

Feb 22nd

I know everyone has been asking about surgery and we have a date of March 14th at 7:00 AM. If there is a cancellation they will move it up but I have pushed, hounded and been more than aggressive to try to get it scheduled sooner but to no avail! So as much as I know all of you are feeling wow that is far out, trust me no where near as much as I am feeling anxious and completely pissed off! I want Lucifer gone, but I have to trust my doctors unfortunately I am not feeling the love today!

So the other news is the scans that were done on Feb 13th after 4 rounds of intense chemo, revealed that the mass had not grown but it had not shrunk either. We were hoping for shrinkage at the very least so a kick in the stomach for sure! With this news it adds another level of complexity and if indeed the tentacles around my artery are an extension of the mass then we will bring in a specialist to do the IRE procedure to kill off these pieces of the mass that are not easy to get to through surgery and the Whipple procedure. Yes a lot to absorb but we are all trying to stay positive and we will spend the next three weeks getting stronger, putting on some weight, I know you never thought that would come out of my mouth – but yes they told me to eat whatever I wanted! Woot woot! I will follow doctors orders, continue to pray for god’s support to help me get through this and take this time to get ready for the next 8 weeks after surgery!

At least my hair is freshly colored and cut to look more glamorous and healthy going into the hospital. My stylist Claire was so surprised that I still had just as much if not more hair then when I started! She is also the one who sent the beautiful flowers and forgot to put her name on it! I love me some Claire! Everyone has been so supportive and loving and I can’t thank you enough for that! My old friends from high school have reached out with wonderful memories and loads of love from Thailand – thanks to the Markarian family and JAB for making a girl feel loved and remembered. I love my mob of warriors and the support you have given me, Steve, Millie and our extended family! More to come as I learn it.

Round 4!

Feb 5th

Each round of chemo starts with a visit to my oncologist for blood work to make sure I can tolerate the chemo. In getting ready for this I put lidocaine cream on my port site to numb it for when they insert the needle. So as I prepared that morning I did my thing and when we were in the office getting ready for my blood work I was like…I can feel everything what is happening? DA – of course I could feel everything – it turned out that I put cortisone cream on my port site instead of lidocaine cream…can you say chemo brain! Oh my cray cray over here in Charlotte. So on Wednesday Aunt Antiope and I went home to continuing round 4 chemo till Friday when my pump came out at 1:15 pm. Wednesday’s infusion started with bringing all the chemo team and health team donuts as a thank you for all they have done for us during this phase of treatment. My lunch date with Betty was so delightful and such fun to visit with her. Astrid was on pick up duty and she kept me smiling and laughing even though my speech and tongue and lips were all tied up!

Wednesday night was tough as I struggled swallowing anything but water and my jaw was locking up. So I went to bed a 830 and in the morning I was much better! Mom arrived – and we were all in better shape because of it. Dinner Thursday was Rachel’s stuffed shells and dessert was a taste test of ginger snap cookies sent by Lucy and Chan to determine which are the best – such a fun treat from my wonderful friends. Suzy sent ginger juice to add into warm water every morning to help with nausea and much more. Check out the dog collar scarves that were created by Pat – Ollie and Chloe are representing the fight so well!

Friday my pump came out and I was so psyched for its removal. Scans are scheduled for Feb 13th where we will learn what the next steps are and if we are ready for surgery. If nothing else this will give my body a break from chemo and time to build up my strength. I am looking forward to feeling a little like myself who I have really missed – I really do like myself and all the cool things I do which I haven’t been able to do for a while – but all good cause all my energy is going to slaying Lucifer. So still haven’t had to shave my legs and my hair on my head is still there – so this is a win win! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and spent time with those you love and who love you. Remember to always surround yourself with love and support! All my love to each of my warriors and my mob who continues to surround me with love as we eradicate Lucifer, I love you all.

Ugh I Hate This!

Jan 27th

I am so over this – seriously over feeling cruddy and always tired. This seriously is a complete bore and I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. BUT if this is what I have to do to eradicate Lucifer then so be it – I will do it and I will smile and embrace all of it. Ok so maybe I am not smiling much at home but I do try to make our home a happy place even if I spend most of the time wrapped in a blanket with a heating pad.

So this week I had another funny occurrence – yet again in the shower. As I have shared I have not lost any of my hair! Well that isn’t actually true – I haven’t lost any hair on my HEAD nor my eyebrows, but while showering I realized that I had not shaved in a few weeks and I went to shave and wait what I had no hair on my legs and wait no hair in other areas that would be shaved or waxed! Woot woot chemo perk – waxing not necessary for a while. Sorry if I have embarrassed or shocked any of you – I promised to be honest and provide levity to this situation I find myself in. So, as I stood in the shower laughing hysterically, Millie came in and looked at me with her tilted head and then left thinking – yep she has finally lost it! I laughed so hard I had to hold on to the shower door handle in case I lost my footing and fell, “Greatest Moments in Chemo”

This week had another first where I experienced “Healing Touch”. Awesome experience with opening all your chakra points and ensuring the flow of energy through your body done with touch! The first session was Monday and then after a rough night on Friday and again on Saturday morning I had another session Saturday evening that made me feel so calm and grounded! Annette you are an angel and miracle worker! On Saturday afternoon Steve and I ventured uptown to see my new office and unpack my boxes and set up my desk – wow what a view I have from the beautiful Corporate Center in Charlotte on the 54th floor! I can’t wait till i am not immune compromised and can work from our new space! There is even a little nook for me to nap if I needed to – wink wink.

So the week brought loads of love, food, and visit including John & Peggy coming by to share stories from the JDRF Mission Summit that we were not able to make, stuffed shells from Rachel, Brownies from Laura, visit with Shirley and Dwan’s famous and fabulous pound cake, Coconut cake and visit from Jennifer. A visit with Dawn and great opportunity to hear all about her amazing mission trip to Haiti – and oh yes a little talk about her signing up for the 2018 JDRF Ride to Cure in Saratoga Springs! So excited to train with her and all our other riders this summer! Thank you Anne for the wonderful book and Suzie thank you for sending all the fun photos from years gone by and your wonderful inspirational cards. And Emily – thank you so much for making a girl who feels crappy still look pretty in her beautiful nightgown. Miss America’s cross sits on my bedside table where I see it every morning.

So we are ready to walk into the 4th and hopefully final round of chemo for this phase on Wednesday. We know what to expect and know I will be wiped out from it but it will be tolerable. I do hope that lock jaw side effect from the last time doesn’t happen again – that was a little scary. So here we go again, let’s do it and remember we will kick Lucifer’s ass! Lots of love to all my warriors – I am one very lucky girl!

Chemo doesn’t get a snow day!

January 21st

Thank goodness chemo didn’t get a snow day so I didn’t have to miss my 3rd round of chemo! Now we are 2/3rds the way through this first round of chemo treatment and one more to go on the 31st! When I arrived on Wednesday for my chemo I was so lucky cause I got a private all day chemo session with 4 nurses to make sure I was getting all the love and care one would need on this snowy day in Charlotte! It was so beautiful out and many thanks to my chauffeurs Erika and Beth for making sure I got to chemo, got fed and got home safe and sound! The nurses greeted me by saying “go ahead and have a seat and you can start taking your vitals”! Erika’s face was priceless cause I think she thought part of her duties were going to be helping me draw blood – very funny moment and just another moment where laughter is the best medicine. As I got my coat off and started getting settled in Erika looked at me and said “look at those skinny legs”. I said yep that is a chemo perk!

So for the next two days, with Aunt Antiope by my side, we got infused with more chemo and tolerated it well considering it is pure poison! I think my Mom had the best comment of the week when I told her I was worried about the continuous use of one of my stomach medicines and she said “with all the chemo poison you are putting in your body I would say the stomach medicine is the least of your worries – but let me talk you about the French fries and the article I read regarding the artificial fat in them…”. Yes you heard me right she was more concerned about the fat in the French fries then the chemo poison – classic comment said by the food dysfunctional family matriarch!

Mom and Beth cleared out a ton of work out clothes, shoes, boots, and some clothing and made a 4th run to Clothes Mentor. With at least two more runs to go! My closets have been purged of things I didn’t even know I owned! So today, Sunday, I noticed one thing that had not happened and nobody seemed too concerned – but I pulled my fingers through my hair and I noticed some strands of hair come out – yikes. BUT everyone around me said – “oh that is what I loss daily”. So clearly no one thinks my hair is thinning. But will keep you posted – cause my wig is looking good!

We have had a few good days and people have called and sent cards and brought food – Nicole’s goody bag from Pasta & Provisions put a smile on everyone in this house’s face. I was so happy to get in a great walk with Betty earlier in the week and a wonderful visit from Pat today to round out this cold Charlotte week. What great friends and family we have and the outpouring of love and support keeps me from coming unglued – trust me that has happened on more than one occasion and mostly cause I have over done it and need to rest – something many of you know I am not good at!

So I am learning how to do things that are not natural for me and to see them just as they are not natural but needed to get through this time! Nobody said I had to like it but they did say to get better I had to give my body some grace and allow it to be nurtured and give it rest to heal!

For the dogs

January 14th

The last few days have been pretty good – although through Friday I was still a bit tired and had a bad night on Thursday – I do believe it was completely my fault. I know shock of shocks I may not have had enough fluids on Thursday and pushed myself toward dehydration BUT luckily I was able to get enough fluids to reverse it and by midnight I was feeling much better but it made Friday a bit tiring. So note to all of you – dehydration feels like this… you get very tired, might be a bit nauseous or cramps, your joints might hurt but your legs and arms hurt like sore muscles. Do everything you can do to get fluids in you and especially electrolytes. If it is too difficult try a children’s medicine dropper with Gatorade or pedialyte every 30 minutes – thanks Brooke for this awesome idea. You should start feeling better but if not go to the hospital. Another way to test for dehydration is pull the skin up from the top of your hand and if it is sluggish bouncing back you need more fluids. Oh wait did I forget to tell you I have become a medical Dr since my diagnosis! SURPRISE.

So now you are wondering what the title means well – Millie has been the one spoiled this week. First she received a Furbo – http://www.furbo.com – from Sophie! A Furbo is a camera that you can watch your dog when you are not home and speak to them – then you can give them a treat as a reward. It is a great way for Millie and I to stay connected when I am at chemo or when I go in for surgery! We are having a blast playing with our new toy – oh and by the way I am not worried about the treats causing Millie to gain some lbs – she is having fun and enjoying the game. That is what life is about. Next Millie received her purple ribbon scarf from Mollie and Erika and Ed along with some extras for all the dogs who want to join in the fight to eradicate Lucifer. Mollie in the top picture and Millie with Erika in the bottom are sporting their support proudly!

Life is good and each day gets better not to mention how very spoiled I am by so many of you! Aashima your meal was perfect, Emily the nightgown makes me feel like a princess and Chan and Lucy the Hollins throw is perfect to take with me to chemo! Nancy – the dammit doll is more perfect then you know and as I begin to stick pins in its pancreas I think I will get even more pleasure from it. The team over at JDRF has been so wonderful and the treats from Pasta and Provisions – delicious. Jamie’s smile bag – a brilliant idea for anyone going through a difficult time – is filled with goodies that all I need to do when I am having a bad day is reach in for a treat – BRILLIANT! My pedicure date with Dawn on Saturday was just what the doctor ordered and our visit with the Uszacki4 on Saturday evening was so much fun – the boys got all our new technology set up and working. The cards, emails and texts continue to keep my spirits up and the support for Steve from so many, especially John and our families has been super helpful. Thank you all for everything you are doing for me and for us! I will cherish the next few good days before round 3 begins on the 17th and Mom comes in on Thursday for a few days – I will also keep all of my warriors and Mob close to my heart and in my thoughts always. And of course loads of love to all the dogs out there – you are so loved!

Playing it safe

Jan 10

So as most of you know, all to well, I am a risk taker, playing it safe has never been my MO. But when you are being infused with poison that is wracking havoc on your immune system you have to be smart and maybe think twice before you act. Take tonight, I planned to go to a JDRF Ride Interest Meeting that was being held at Vintner Wine Bar… well I realized that a bar, even if it is a nice bar, was probably one of the places I should think twice about going to unless of course I want to wear a mask – which trust me isn’t happening EVER! So I decided to stay home with Millie by my side and maybe take a long hot bath…ugh another moment where the risk adverse angel taps on my shoulder and says…ah maybe that isn’t such a good idea – since we know I am a klutz, slipping and falling isn’t out of the question or falling asleep in the tub isn’t out of the realm of reality either. So logic and safety win again – ugh cancer you are killing my mojo.

Another thing you know about me, or any women is that we are always watching our weight – and if you know my family you know it is definitely a main topic always. What did you have for lunch, oh should you be eating that, isn’t there something less fattening on the menu, oh maybe you should wear a longer top with those pants…I could go on and on, but ever since I was diagnosed the topic of weight has turned to, did you eat enough today, how much have you gained, oh have another cookie…on and on. I love my family and my mom but we definitely have a twisted relationship with food – evident when my niece came over in October and saw Millie, that would be our dog, and the first thing out of her mouth was “oh Millie you are looking a little chubby”. Seriously the DOG is now being scrutinized. I say all this cause I am now experiencing yet another cancer perk – no one cares what I eat, when I eat, just that I eat and keep up my strength. Between you and me I went into this overweight which the doctor loved so I do have room to loss but no one wants to loss this way I promise.

So now that I am a week out from treatment 2 I can say yes we tolerated it better, on Tuesday the Dr said he was really pleased with everything and is keeping the cocktail as is. Only two more treatments to go and we will be 1/3rd of the way through the whole process to eradicate Lucifer. Thank you all for your continued generosity, cards, visits and emails. We are holding on and we will get through this – Denise’s (and Keith too) goodie bag of tea and bath bombs and lotions and potions is just what the patient ordered – just sorry I can’t use that bath bomb tonight – but there is always tomorrow night. Here is to the greatest group of warriors out there – without you I would be lost in a sea of darkness – your light shines and guides me to the end goal a CURE.

Round 2

January 6th

We are three days post round 2 and so far we have remained vertical and the only horizontal mambo this chick is doing is in her bed! My body has been able to tolerate this go around much better or maybe having my sisters, niece and Mom around to help has been the ticket. I know having them here has given Steve great comfort as well so that he can continue to balance the priorities of his work, his mom, his health, our home and me! Trust me I never folded his laundry before and having Mom here he gets white glove service – wink wink.

Now I am not saying cancer doesn’t suck cause it still does, but at least this time Lucifer isn’t winning this round. Again the out pouring of love has been so humbling. The flowers from Claire and then sisters Paula and Theresa sent the most amazing burlap wrapped bouquet from http://www.farmgirlflowers.com and from Luis & Tommy and arrangement that only the Blossom Shop can create – my house has never looked so beautiful or smelled so good! Seriously – I know that this diagnosis has gobsmacked most including me but that hasn’t stopped people from stepping in and helping me fight the fight to slay and eradicate Lucifer.

The one thing that has been very exciting is that so far I have not lost any of my hair…they said if it is going to happen it will be after this round so we shall see – I have sent my wig off with Claire for her to perfect just the right balance of sassy and edge so we are ready when needed!

As I wrap up this post listening to my jam playlist from college that my college roommate, Chan, made for me – “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” is playing followed by “I’ll Be There” favorites of ours back in the 80’s. I am reminded that there is nothing that will get in my way and that Missy’s Mob has shown up and shined through this ordeal and together we will stomp out this beast! And for those of you who are wondering – yes I will be riding the 2018 JDRF Ride to Cure in Saratoga Springs this September – cause unfortunately Alex still battles her diabetes and I will continue to battle it with her until there is NONE.

“You can have anything”

Jan 4th

Round 2 of treatment was yesterday with these two angels – my niece Alex who is my inspiration to find a cure for type one diabetes and my sissy Suzy/Suzanne who came in from Louisville to be with me for a few days – blessed is all I can say.

Since New Year’s Eve I have been feeling better and better and was so glad to get some goals accomplished like walk a 1 1/2 by Tuesday and crushed that by completing the day before on New Year’s Day and then again on Tuesday! I love to set goals and crush them – yep if you didn’t know I am very competitive especially with myself. On Tuesday the 2nd I was so pleased to feel good enough to go to the office and spend about 7 hours checking things off my list, getting most of my boxes packed for our corporate move on the 19th. It was so great to see everyone and feel like cancer didn’t exist!

After that, Round 2 of treatment began when I went to see my oncologist – Dr Reza. It was so good to see him and not feel or look like Lucifer was conquering. He was glad, to see the rebound of my true self and see some weight gain. He made an adjustment to my chemo so I don’t feel so sick but will allow us to stay on course. We got all paperwork signed to obtain an accommodation to work from home through treatment as he knows I love my job but wants me to be smart about being around too many people. The best part of that visit was that he looked at me and said, “you just tell me what you need or want and I will get it for you”. Hmmm…clearly I am making my list and will bring to him next week when I see him – he said his number one priority is my well being, happiness and quality of life. This was one of those times when I was like…this must be a cancer perk wink wink. When we got home that night there was a huge garbage bag at our door – was wondering why the garbage men left it for us – but we were mistaken, as inside was a beautiful pillow cross stitched with peace from sweet Cathy! The note said to use wherever needed, including the bathroom floor – it might be too pretty to be used there, and we are hoping and praying this go around that I don’t see or feel the bathroom floor.

On Wednesday, infusion day, I was strapped in for the next rollercoaster ride and ready to take Lucifer down. I never thought my riding my first ever rollercoaster this summer with Betty, the Fury, would prepare me for yet another ride, since upon my dismount from the ride I said – “well that is never happening again”. Just another ah ha moment that things happened for a reason prior to Lucifer that was preparing me for this journey/ride. All went smoothly with the infusion, no problems and I got a great visit with my niece and sissy and even got a couple hours of work in! Then the best part – the last chemo medicine, the one that made me drunk the last time with the slurring of works and eye twitches, well this time WAM it was the same but add in the feeling of being high/stoned – and it was an awesome ride. Dr Reza came by again and said “you still here” and I said yes and I was going to start paying rent. Upon our arrival home there were beautiful flowers from Claire and a box of the most amazing Ginersnap cookies from Chan – check them out at http://www.susansnaps.com – proceeds go to cancer prevention – what a wonderful gift. The evening brought me visits by Dawn and Jennifer and the May’s boys – what a treat to have Suzy and Alex meet two people that are in this fight to Turn Type One to Type None – how inspiring to have some of my favorite people in one room! And let’s not forget the homemade soup from one of our favorite bakery’s – Renaissance. If you have never been it is on South Blvd!

So I am home now with Aunt Antiope by my side for 46 hours, now down to 29 hours and of course sweet Millie. My mom comes later today and it will be comforting to have her here and allow Steve some time to meet his needs. I am so blessed to have a Mom that is active and healthy enough to be here for us – Bebe will also be around and able to step in whenever needed. The words that come to mind, lucky, blessed, fortunate, courageous, loved, empowered. Again, Lucifer you are going down and you better not pull another take over this go around cause I am completely armed to ward you off. Thanks everyone for your comments and notes on the blog – I am enjoying writing this and balancing real and humor! I take suggestions if there are things you wish to know about – just let me know and I will discuss with the editor :).

Happy New Year

Dec 31st

As we reflect on this last year many might say it has been challenging, trying, unfortunate, sad and at times overwhelming. But what I have learned in the last few weeks is that this year has been inspiring, strengthening, engaging, educational, eye opening and most of all blessed and invigorating.

We may have experienced challenging scenarios but they gave us strength to overcome even more challenging scenarios. We learned how to cope with situations by looking for the good in everything and everyone.

As I close the year of 2017 I can say I have accomplished as great deal and have become a better person because of the events of this year. I have learned how to be kinder and gentler to myself, how to be a better daughter, sister, wife and friend. I have been reminded that everything happens for a reason and that there is most definitely someone who is looking out for me. I have learned that in giving you receive tenfold and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks and other times it is a gentle tap.

As 2018 approaches I know there will be challenges ahead but through those challenges will be great reward and I will become a better me. The circle of family and friends is felt so intensely and I know that with your support I will prevail and come out the other end a better Missy. May your 2018 be everything you imagine for yourself and those you love – Happy New Year!

Food

Dec 29th

Hello my friends and family or shall I say Missy’s Mob! I am up and out of bed, off the bathroom floor and I am back! Seriously, there were moments where I thought who is this taking over my body, my mind and my soul! Chemo is evil but to eradicate Lucifer I need something evil and brutal and I am holding tight as we go through this ride.

Sunday-Wednesday are a blurr – the best part was I was able to sleep sooo much! Astrid came by on Christmas with special soup made by Moma Lucy and it was perfect and just what I needed! The rosary, yes Astrid gave me a rosary with prayer instructions, was perfect and I held on to it as I fell asleep that night. Tuesday, Boxing Day, Jennifer and the boys and Laura came by with Boxing Day brunch! We ate like kings and queens, the best part for me was the grapefruit sections – I think Steve preferred the cheese grits. My Mom and Beth came back from Louisville on Wednesday and well we all know what a Mom’s love can do for you – it was awesome to have them home. I know Steve was glad to have my Mom here too! I woke up Thursday and “SHABAM” I actually was feeling like the Missy I knew and was up and out of bed all day! I even ate full pieces of food! Toast and grapefruit never tasted so good!

When we saw my oncologist on Tuesday he didn’t like that the treatment had walloped me so hard and he wants to do some adjustments to the chemo but not to the treatment plan of a CURE! So for the next 5 days I will regain my strength and be ready for round 2 on January 3rd. I have realized that this is the time where I have to ask for help, a foreign concept, but one I am working on getting comfortable with and starting to understand how to do it. Everyone has made it so easy to ask for help and have been there to do silly things like buy 3 different kinds of natural ginger ale to get just the right one for my taste buds. And who knew Gatorade made a flavor called “FIERCE”. Betty your shopping skills are to be commended. Susan homemade bread – need I say more! Since morning toast is on my list of favorites I will look forward to more soon! Yes hint hint!

I know now more than ever that God has a plan for me in this journey – it may have been clouded by a few bad days, but he wants something very promising to come of this and I continue to look for signs of what that may be – keep me posted if you figure it out or if one drops in front of you! I love each and everyone of you for your prayers, texts, emails, cards, visits and calls – your strength has helped me get one step closer to my CURE!